i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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