he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
