its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
