Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
