Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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