chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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