Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
