he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
