i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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