We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
