she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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