I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Omg I joined a choir last night...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
