i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
