just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
