Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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