If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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