super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
