I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
