remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
