I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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