if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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