I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
