you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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