Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He felt like a one man threesome
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
