sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
