I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
