And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
