some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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