Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
