Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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