He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
