i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
