I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
