Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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