He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
