You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Bring me that man meat
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i out mim tonsoeep
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
