I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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