cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
