Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
