Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
