Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
