so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
