My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
