i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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