how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
