I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
