At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
