You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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