Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
