Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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